In my clinic, I've often seen parents feeling dissatisfied and lost within their lives. They frequently look to their partner to blame for their unhappiness. This is a common trap, but it's one we can avoid with some self-reflection and conscious effort.
Research shows that many parents experience a decline in marital satisfaction after the birth of their first child. According to a study by Lawrence et al. (2008), this decline continues as children grow older and parents find themselves with more time but less connection to their partner.
I’ve had countless couples in my office who, now that their children are older and more independent, suddenly have the time to look at their partner and realise they’ve grown distant. Years spent focusing on home-making and working can create a gap that feels hard to bridge.
To avoid falling into this trap, make the ordinary extraordinary. Have dinner at the table with no devices, set the mood with candles or lighting, and genuinely make time for each other. Little moments, like making each other coffee in the morning or arranging regular date nights, can help maintain your connection.
Maintaining Identity:
It’s crucial not to lose your identity in the marriage. When you first met, each of you brought your unique self to the relationship. Over the years, I often see parents giving up parts of themselves for the sake of the marriage, which can lead to dissatisfaction and a loss of self.
Studies have shown that maintaining individuality within a marriage is key to long-term happiness. A survey conducted by the University of Michigan found that couples who pursued individual interests and supported each other's personal growth were happier and more resilient.
Many of my clients have shared that rekindling old hobbies or finding new ones has not only improved their self-esteem but also brought new energy into their relationships.
Setting Boundaries:
If your partner wants you to give up who you are, it’s important to set boundaries. Remember, when you first met, you liked each other for who you were. Changing that person can lead to resentment and dissatisfaction.
Final Thoughts:
Don’t forget yourself in your relationships. This isn’t about being single in your marriage but about maintaining a healthy balance where both partners can grow individually and together. If your partner tries to change you, set some boundaries and remember what brought you together in the first place.
